Dead Letter Department #116b

what i did while i had (probably) covid (a short update)

a great deal of wall & ceiling staring

filled an absolutely implausible number of handkerchiefs

ate vast quantities of canned soup (not chicken soup with stars, though it was reminiscent of it, as all sick-day canned soups will forever be) accompanied by chili crisp sourdough grilled cheese

complained weakly into the phone or facetime while making horrible phlegmy noise & throat sounds to my friends

read The Pairing, which hit weird because i was neither tasting or smelling in an entirely typical way, and the prospect of a european food and wine tour sounded more than usually implausible, especially when linked to a lot of very hot queer sex scenes, which also seemed entirely implausible, because who could possibly stop coughing long enough to fuck like that

watched the Phoenician Scheme, already slightly hallucinatory in the way Wes Anderson films are, as though you’ve been awoken inside a dollhouse

contemplated my breathing, but not in a yoga-y way, because when i was the most sick, the bottom of each breath would cause a lot of labored coughing, so i would try to breathe shallowly. initially every cough felt like it was either going to make me throw up or shit my pants, so there was a lot of gripping the sink and coughing, and gripping the sink does always feel a tiny bit cinematic, but it was unfortunately not an actual montage, so i did just have to stand there and cough into the sink and hope i was not actually going to throw up or shit my pants

drank so much tea. peppermint and then ginger turmeric, with a little bit of honey, with the cup resting on my chest so i could inhale the steam with some idea of loosening the congestion, which didn’t actually do anything except for fog up my glasses, but it’s not like i was doing anything with my eyeballs anyway, so that was fine

tried to sleep, but was largely unsuccessful, because every time i tried to fall asleep the sound of my own labored breathing would pop me right back awake again

perfected various pillow fortifications to prop myself up to avoid said labored breathing, in an effort to find the angle that would allow enough quiet to actually sleep

took mucinex, which did seem to finally dissolve the congestion enough to allow for some sleeping, though the pills are horse-pilled size, and seem haunted by the horrible snot mascot that i associate with that brand

felt acutely aware of the last lovely weeks of summer dribbling down over the horizon, much as i was dribbling upon myself

i am feeling much better now, thank you. more soon, as my brain continues to come back online.